Who Gets to Define You?
Updated: Oct 5
What Abigail's hug reveals about resentment and identity
There’s a hug that takes place in Book 1 that’s one of my favorite moments.
It’s when Abigail hugs Ivana at the end. To understand why it’s so satisfying you need to know the context. Ivana has basically been making Abigail‘s life miserable for the entire book, and in the final scene, when Abigail defeats her, when the Inzos have flown away, Abigail doesn’t revel in her victory. She gives Ivana a hug.
This move is interesting because it goes to an important question:
What happens when someone expects conflict and doesn’t get it?
Normally the logic of escalation wins out. You can see it all around in daily life. It’s not something we need to really address here. Fire begets fire. Just think of road rage. It’s natural.
But Doris helps Abigail to see the world through Ivana‘s eyes and is responsible for her realization that Ivana’s jealousy came from loneliness and rejection.
"It must hurt when someone you love doesn't love you back."
Abigail understands.
There are echoes of Kant in Abigail‘s move here—treating peoples as ends, rather than means.
And Nietzsche explains Ivana well when he talks about “resentiment,” and making resentment the center of your identity.
And that is Ivana’s tragedy because she becomes consumed with jealousy.
Everything about her becomes a comparison to Abigail, and what she lacks—to the point where her very identity becomes dependent on that conflict with Abigail continuing.
That’s why Ivana gets knocked off balance when Abigail shows kindness. Abigail is refusing to become the person that Ivana‘s resentment demands.
Major Bob sums up Ivana’s intent:
“She trapped you inside the self she wants you to believe in.“
That’s what resentment does. It tries to define the relationship and tell us who we are and how we’re supposed to respond.
Ivana wants Abigail to become an enemy.
But Abigail refuses. That hug is freedom. And that makes this scene one of the moral centers of Sparkle Valley.
Abigail (Emily) is choosing for herself what kind of person she wants to be.
Abigail’s kindness changes the terms of the encounter. Resentment loses some power, and now there’s the possibility of a different future.
When someone hurts you, do they get to determine the kind of person you become?
Abigail’s answer is no.
Continue on the 🧭 Practical Trail
The world felt too small.
