Sparkle Valley Philosophy: The Smortzle
Updated: Sep 29
The Smortzle doesn’t lead. He performs leadership, and calls that power.
When I think of the Smortzle I picture him on a greasy recliner in his broken down school bus surrounded by butterflies, and just seething. Just wondering how he can rise up from there.
Let me explain what the Smortzle is really all about. Because he's not the type of villain that sees something fragile and beautiful like Sparkle Valley and thinks “I hate this place.” Instead, he sees it and thinks, “You know what, somebody should be in charge of this place. And that someone is me!”
And by Book 2 he's actually done it. He's built a castle that's blue and tacky. He's got the Bobblehead soldiers building blue statues of him all over the place. The Inzos are keeping an eye on things for him. The forget-me-nots, the blue sparks of childhood wonder, have all been razed. Everyone in Sparkle Valley is afraid. But he's not actually leading anything. He's performing leadership.
Think about the wizard of Oz. It’s all noise and spectacle. Then you look behind the curtain. Or think about that kind of boss—the micro manager—who needs to control everything, because he doesn't really have any authority.
Power Without Substance
The Smortzle has big dreams. He wants to be a dictator. I could stop right there because it sums up how vacuous he is). He's theatrical, (for some reason Jack Black just came to mind). Loves pageantry. But like a stand up, it all leads back to insecurity.
And that's why the Beast loves him.
The Beast’s Perfect Host
If you were living in a greasy school bus you might have some desperate thoughts too. Especially if. you had to play second fiddle to a ruler named the Queen of Mean. And Smortzle is petty too. Anything for power - shallow, no morals—the perfect host. And in Book 2 he becomes the Beast's puppet.
Philosophically, see Hobbes. Hobbes talked about trading freedom for safety. The Smortzle, however, jumps straight to control. His logic? If you control it you’ll live a good life.
Also, you’ll be remembered. He has a ridiculous painting of him posing as George Washington crossing the Delaware in his castle. There's really no there there.
The Voice Inside Emily
What about Emily?
Smortzle is the voice inside her that says nothing soft or beautiful can actually last, and that if you can't be loved, at least be in charge.
